Dealing with internal discomfort

In the spirit of daring greatly, I want to explore one of the barriers to living courageously in the arena; Our persistent need to escape from discomfort and negative emotions.

I’m talking about watching episode after episode of “Breaking Bad” days before my exams. Some mornings I will stay in bed for 1-2 hours before heading to work. Other days I find myself mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram for hours on end. This is a clearly a waste of precious time, so why do we do this?

Time management is pain management

I’ve just started reading Nir Eyal’s book “Indistractible”. He talks about our distractions being driven by our desire to escape discomfort (boredom, fear, anxiety etc.). According to him, anything that stops discomfort is potentially addictive. Therefore, time management is essentially pain management.

Brene Brown also explores the idea of “Numbing the pain” of feeling real emotions; doing anything and everything to avoid feeling vulnerable. Another author, Mel Robbin’s work is about not letting our lives be run by fear.

Some things are too uncomfortable for our minds to deal with. Anything that can distract us from the pain can be addictive – junk food, phones, TV, online shopping etc.

What does it take to face these yucky feelings and approach them a different way?

How to combat internal discomfort and get back on track

Its OK, its biological

According to Nir Eyal, we are biologically wired to pay more attention to negativity. Our heightened awareness to the negative is a protective measure from environmental dangers. Essentially its NORMAL to ruminate on a past event or think negatively of a future one.

He doesn’t really delve into this, and I do believe its an over-simplification. Nevertheless, it is comforting to know there is a biological reason why our brains behave this way. It also helps us to separate our negative emotions from who we are.

Focus

Focus on the negative trigger and the root cause of distraction. Is it a feeling of incompetency? Are you feeling anxious about something coming up in the day? Is your next task riddled with uncertainty? Feel the physical manifestations in your body. It may feel like a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach. Take the time and recognize it.

Be curious

Bringing it to light and putting it into words is the first step of making something a lot less scary. Focus on it with curiosity not contempt. Look at in from the eyes of scientist/researcher or child that just discovered something new. A great mediation technique is imagining a space in your mind that’s a clear blue sky, free from clutter and negativity. Its so high up, the little struggles of the world below look so tine, and matter a lot less from up there. Its easier to be curious from up there.

Love yourself through it

The themes of self-compassion, self-efficacy and believing we’re good enough has come up again and again in books I’ve been reading. And of course; gratitude.

Next time when you feel yourself procrastinating, take a deep breath and tell yourself this:

You are enough. Just as you are. Right now. Just like this.

Doing some task, getting promoted, losing that extra kg, getting a boyfriend or anything else isn’t going to make you more or less worthy. There is no level to attain before everything will fall into place. Now is the time fully accept your self.

Take some time to list things that you’re lucky to have. Whether it be a beautiful bed, a great job, a few great friends, passions, all four limbs even. There are so many others with so much less. Be thankful of everything you have and really consider how far you’ve come. Self-compassion and appreciation makes us resilient.

Lean in

Take that deep breath and dive right into it. Brene Brown talks about ‘leaning in’ to discomfort. Mel Robbin asks us to ‘follow the fear’. Steven Pressfield says if something is scaring you, it only means that it is truly important and worth the struggle. Whatever it is that you’re hiding from, your freedom lies in walking right through it.

Delve into the muck. “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”

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We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.

Brene Brown

Having the courage to face ALL our emotions will make us truly powerful. This comes with practice. So sit with these feelings and claw your way through it. Again and again, until it becomes habit.

Being in the arena means bravely acknowledging the uncomfortable areas within us, reclaiming it and loving ourselves through it.